What can be done if one does not know how to
adjust? Do people actually quarrel with their wives?
Questioner: Yes.
Dadashri: Is that so? Is it to divide possessions? What is there to divide with your wife? The assets are joint.
Questioner: The husband wants to eat a sweet dish, but the wife makes a simple dish consisting of rice with lentils instead. So, that is why quarrels happen.
Dadashri: So then, after quarreling, would he get the sweet dish? Ultimately, he will surely have to eat the rice and lentils.
Questioner: Then he orders a pizza from a restaurant.
Dadashri: Is that so? So, he gets neither that [the sweet dish] nor this [the rice and lentils]. Instead, the pizza arrives, doesn’t it? But he certainly missed out on that [the sweet dish]. Instead, he should have told his wife, “Prepare whatever is convenient for you.” She will also have that intent someday, won’t she? Will she not eat the same food? So, you should tell her, “Prepare whatever is convenient for you.” So, she will say, “No, I want to prepare whatever is pleasing to you.” At that time, you should tell her, “Make the sweet dish.” But if you had told her to make the sweet dish from the beginning, then she would have said, “No, I am going to make rice and lentils.” She would speak obstinately.
Questioner: What solutions do you have to stop this type of divisiveness due to difference of opinion?
Dadashri: I am showing you the way to ‘adjust everywhere.’ If she tells you, “I want to make rice and lentils,” then you should adjust. And if you tell her, “No, we are to go out right now. I want to go to satsang,’ then she should adjust. Whoever speaks first, the other person should adjust to that.
Questioner: Then there will be a fight to be the first to speak.
Dadashri: Yes, go ahead and do that, but you should adjust to her. This is because things are not in your control. I know who has control over everything. So, do you have any problems with adjusting here?
Questioner: No, not at all.
Dadashri: [To the wife] Do you have any problems with that?
Questioner: No.
Dadashri: So then, go ahead and settle the matter. Adjust everywhere. Do you see a problem there?
Questioner: None at all.
Dadashri: If the husband is the first to say, “Today make everything, onion fritters, a sweet dish, and a vegetable curry.” Then, you [speaking to the wife] should adjust to that. And if you were to say, “I want to sleep early tonight,” then he should adjust to that. Even if he had plans to visit a friend, he should cancel them and go to sleep early. This is because, if you [speaking to the husband] happen to get into trouble with your friend, then you can see to it [later]. But here at home, do not get into trouble. However, in order to maintain a good impression with your friend, you create problems at home. That should not be so. So, if she is the first to speak, then you should adjust to that.
Questioner: But what if he has to go to a meeting at eight o’clock and she says, “Go to sleep,” then what should he do?
Dadashri: Do not imagine such things. The law of nature is such that, ‘Where there is a will, there is a way.’ If you use your intent-based imagination (kalpana), then things will spoil. In fact, on that very day, she would be the one saying to you, “You should go quickly.” She would even come to the garage to see you off. It is due to one’s intent-based imagination that everything spoils. That is the reason it has been written in a book that, ‘Where there is a will, there is a way.’ If you follow this much, then it is more than enough. Will you follow this?
Questioner: Yes.
Dadashri: Well then, give me a promise. Great! Great! This is called courage, you promised!
Dadashri: Is that so? Is it to divide possessions? What is there to divide with your wife? The assets are joint.
Questioner: The husband wants to eat a sweet dish, but the wife makes a simple dish consisting of rice with lentils instead. So, that is why quarrels happen.
Dadashri: So then, after quarreling, would he get the sweet dish? Ultimately, he will surely have to eat the rice and lentils.
Questioner: Then he orders a pizza from a restaurant.
Dadashri: Is that so? So, he gets neither that [the sweet dish] nor this [the rice and lentils]. Instead, the pizza arrives, doesn’t it? But he certainly missed out on that [the sweet dish]. Instead, he should have told his wife, “Prepare whatever is convenient for you.” She will also have that intent someday, won’t she? Will she not eat the same food? So, you should tell her, “Prepare whatever is convenient for you.” So, she will say, “No, I want to prepare whatever is pleasing to you.” At that time, you should tell her, “Make the sweet dish.” But if you had told her to make the sweet dish from the beginning, then she would have said, “No, I am going to make rice and lentils.” She would speak obstinately.
Questioner: What solutions do you have to stop this type of divisiveness due to difference of opinion?
Dadashri: I am showing you the way to ‘adjust everywhere.’ If she tells you, “I want to make rice and lentils,” then you should adjust. And if you tell her, “No, we are to go out right now. I want to go to satsang,’ then she should adjust. Whoever speaks first, the other person should adjust to that.
Questioner: Then there will be a fight to be the first to speak.
Dadashri: Yes, go ahead and do that, but you should adjust to her. This is because things are not in your control. I know who has control over everything. So, do you have any problems with adjusting here?
Questioner: No, not at all.
Dadashri: [To the wife] Do you have any problems with that?
Questioner: No.
Dadashri: So then, go ahead and settle the matter. Adjust everywhere. Do you see a problem there?
Questioner: None at all.
Dadashri: If the husband is the first to say, “Today make everything, onion fritters, a sweet dish, and a vegetable curry.” Then, you [speaking to the wife] should adjust to that. And if you were to say, “I want to sleep early tonight,” then he should adjust to that. Even if he had plans to visit a friend, he should cancel them and go to sleep early. This is because, if you [speaking to the husband] happen to get into trouble with your friend, then you can see to it [later]. But here at home, do not get into trouble. However, in order to maintain a good impression with your friend, you create problems at home. That should not be so. So, if she is the first to speak, then you should adjust to that.
Questioner: But what if he has to go to a meeting at eight o’clock and she says, “Go to sleep,” then what should he do?
Dadashri: Do not imagine such things. The law of nature is such that, ‘Where there is a will, there is a way.’ If you use your intent-based imagination (kalpana), then things will spoil. In fact, on that very day, she would be the one saying to you, “You should go quickly.” She would even come to the garage to see you off. It is due to one’s intent-based imagination that everything spoils. That is the reason it has been written in a book that, ‘Where there is a will, there is a way.’ If you follow this much, then it is more than enough. Will you follow this?
Questioner: Yes.
Dadashri: Well then, give me a promise. Great! Great! This is called courage, you promised!
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